A Legend Retired Today

Thank you for everything you have done.

You will be missed.

The Evolution of a Dance Party

Happened at Sasquatch.  No analysis or extra words needed. Just watch.

Currently listening to:  Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head – Me+Yr Daughter

National Championship FAIL

This is what happens when east coast writers cover west coast sports.

It’s okay, they’re only missing 27 national titles by UW in other team sports.

Currently listening to:  N.A.S.A. – Gifted

It’s Music Appreciation Day.

Get ready to waste (enrich) the next 30 minutes of your life watching the below videos.  If I was Korean and 12 years old, I’d also be a fingerstyle guitarist.  Age 12 was also the peak of my lifetime; it’s been all downhill from there.

Here’s to you Sungha Jung – you are incredible.  Except I bet I could beat you at Guitar Hero.

Canon in D

No Woman, No Cry

More Than Words

Rylynn

Currently listening to:  Everything by Sungha Jung

The Coolest Remote Control Car Ever.

…is the Fast Traxx from Tyco.  This monster from 1992, equipped with two Mabuchi 370 motors and the patented TRAXX, could run over the most rugged terrain, trek through 2″ of snow without shedding speed, and could probably solve the current economic meltdown.  It was the coolest remote control car ever….. and I never had it.  I dreamed about it. I watched the commercials.  I started adding “xx” to the end of my name, and I don’t even have any x’s to begin with.

You want to know how sweet this thing is?  This guy is willing to trade his whole movie collection for one.  This auction for a neon yellow Fast Traxx ended at $185 – TWICE the original retail price.  And look at how awesome the commercial is.  Yeah I know, you want one too.

Then came the glorious day when I acquired the means to purchase one.  Actually, I had the means to buy a “Half Traxx,” the red-headed stepchild of the Fast Traxx.  It wasn’t a full-blown Fast Traxx but what did I care?  It had the look, it had the attitude, it had the TRAXX.  However, little did I know at the bright age of 9 that “Half” meant looming dissatisfaction and a opaque cover on my euphoria.  I will use the Fun Quotient, or FQ, which sort of sounds like “fuck you” if you are in Laos, as a metric to illustrate my feelings at the time as I describe the step-by-step process of my fall from grace.

Starting FQ = 0 (neutral)

1. Realize I have enough money from vaccuuming couches and dusting bookcases at home to purchase a Half Traxx. FQ = 10
2. Drive to store with Mom; listen to PM Dawn – Set Adrift on Memory Bliss on the way.  FQ = 22
3. Arrive at Target; run to toy section. FQ = 26
4. Realize I can’t find remote control car section.  Pee pants.  FQ = 18
5. Get help from pimply teenager; locate remote control cars.  FQ = 30
6. See Fast Traxx; realize it’s $89.99.  Cry. FQ = 12
7. See Half Traxx; realize it’s $34.99. Rejoice. FQ = 39 3/8 (I knew fractions already)
8. Purchase Half Traxx; rejoice.  FQ = 58
9. Try to sneak in pack of Gummi Bears.  Get denied by Mom. FQ = 56
10. Drive home; rip open package.  FQ = 64
11. Realize the battery needs to be charged before use.  Swear.  FQ = 59
12. Say fuck it and insert battery.  Try to run car.  It goes nowhere.  FQ = 53
13. Plug in battery; watch Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.  FQ = 57
14. Put charged battery back in car.  Start driving! FQ = 88
15. Come to the realization that unlike the regular Fast Traxx, which has separate joysticks for forward/backward and left/right, the Half Traxx only has one joystick.  Push it away from you and it goes forward; pull it towards you and it goes backwards and left.  You can’t turn the fucking thing if you are going forward, and when you go backwards it always starts a clockwise circle in reverse.  Realize that mobility is handicapped.  FQ = 22
16. Try to emulate commercial and jump Half Traxx off a big man-made jump (piece of wood propped up by my Variflex skateboard).  Half Traxx chips left-front fender and left-side TRAXX comes off wheels.  FQ = 13
17. Say “fuck” about fender and get TRAXX back on wheels.  Drive Half Traxx.  Hear constant buzzing/clicking noise and gets higher pitched and more frequent the faster the car moves. FQ = 5
18. Try to emulate commercial again and run Half Traxx into wall.  In the commercial, the Fast Traxx runs up the wall and does a flip.  Very cool.  Half Traxx runs into wall and breaks.  FQ = -16
19. Swear, feel blood pressure rise, thrown Half Traxx against ground repeatedly, hit with Little League baseball bat.  FQ = -37
20. Sit on couch and realize I spent 6 months of savings on a piece of shit imposter that never lived up to expectations.  FQ = -162
21. Vow to learn lesson and never settle again for anything.  Eat bowl of Fruit Loops.  FQ = -34

So there you have it… my experience with my Half Traxx.  Never again am I getting a lesser grade of anything.

the vision of you will haunt my dreams for eternity.

Currently listening to:  The Flaming Lips – The Strange Design of Conscience

Stuff To Do This Week.

Here are some things you can do this week.  They should culminate in a span of time that is worthy of writing home to Mom about and posting silly photos on your social networking profile.  That’s Bebo, right?

Play life-sized Beer Pong.  Everyone loves red cups and ping-pong balls.  But what is that supposed to be, Beer Pong for ants?  We’re grown up now; let’s scale-up and do this right.  Replace keg cups with garbage cans (you can paint them red with a white brim) and ping pong balls with volleyballs.  Put a pony-keg (or regular-sized keg if you have a new haircut and just took Jagerbombs) in each garbage can.  When you make a shot, the opponent whose turn it is to drink takes a keg stand.  Simple as that.  This way you don’t have to refill after each game, which is a bitch because everyone always steals the pitchers anyway.

Note:  If you don’t have a costume for Halloween, you can be a keg cup using one of the spray-painted garbage cans.  It’s like a 2-for-1 deal straight outta Fred Meyer.  Everyone will love you, everyone will get drunk around you, and you will probably get your first HJ in cargo pants since 9th grade.

Watch the Huskies beat the Mediating Irish.  The Huskies are going to win this week.  As bad as they are, I am hoping that because of the diversity of faiths represented on the Husky football team, God will forsake us and shine a ray of light on Husky Stadium.  Notre Dame is no longer the Fighting Irish.  No, not after a string of losing seasons, a sloppy coach with bigger tits than the girl I’m dating (but doesn’t know it yet), and a quarterback who looks exactly like Sunshine from Remember the Titans with long hair and a cross between Smegel and a porcupine with short hair.  These Irish spend less time fighting and more time in dispute resolution with the media, their fan base, and each other.  God Bless.

In the spirit of Bud Light’s “Real Men of Genius,” here’s to you Mr. Delusional Irrational Notre Dame Football Fan.

Jimmy, I am going to give you more shit because you are a real dumb fuck.  I will let pictures speak for themselves.  You would be a good Halloween costume too.  All someone would need is a uniform, because football skills definitely aren’t necessary.

Oh, and here is Jimmy’s MySpace page if you want to look.  He is a Virgo.

jimmy with some dumb ho. (i think that is his mom)

jimmy looking tough on the 4th of july.

jimmy with his excellent trucker hat.

jimmy auditioning for lord of the rings.

jimmy with his buds.

This last picture doesn’t really surprise me though.  I mean, he was an understudy (no pun intended) of Brady Quinn, the most badassest of them all.

brady sizing up his friend for a new pair of slacks.

brady checking for std's (he was clean)

Fucking Notre Dame….

“Hate em” – David Chappelle as Clayton Bigsby, White Power, Chappelle’s Show Season 2, 2003

And lastly…..

Drink a bottle of one of the below with a bunch of friends and realize that life is fucking grand.

slurpee

gatorade

vitamin water

beer

Currently listening to:  Dan Deacon – The Crystal Cat

Friday Breakfast.

“I apologize to you if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don’t like the feeling. You’re sitting there, you’re wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I’m not really interested, should I play like I’m interested but I’m not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she’s not interested? So all of the sudden I’m getting, I’m starting to get interested… And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it’s awkward, it’s like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you’re trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don’t kiss them at all? It’s very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you’re just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called “just the tip”. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you’re on my hair.”

Whatever happened to this guy? The one in the video who did amazing things.  I would like him to reemerge.

And one of my favorites from back in the day.

Enjoy your Friday; I’ll definitely enjoy mine.

Currently listening to:  Gil Mantera’s Party Dream – Emotion Road

Goals for the Weekend.

Currently listening to:  Common – I Used to Love H.E.R.

Holy Matrimony.

Gets off to a rough start.  Would hate to be that guy.

Currently listening to:  Lupe Fiasco – Superstar

What Happens If You Search for “Urban Dictionary” on Urban Dictionary?

This:

Currently listening to:  Jay-Z – Lucifer