Tag Archives: huskies

National Championship FAIL

This is what happens when east coast writers cover west coast sports.

It’s okay, they’re only missing 27 national titles by UW in other team sports.

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Currently listening to:  N.A.S.A. – Gifted

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Stuff To Do This Week.

Here are some things you can do this week.  They should culminate in a span of time that is worthy of writing home to Mom about and posting silly photos on your social networking profile.  That’s Bebo, right?

Play life-sized Beer Pong.  Everyone loves red cups and ping-pong balls.  But what is that supposed to be, Beer Pong for ants?  We’re grown up now; let’s scale-up and do this right.  Replace keg cups with garbage cans (you can paint them red with a white brim) and ping pong balls with volleyballs.  Put a pony-keg (or regular-sized keg if you have a new haircut and just took Jagerbombs) in each garbage can.  When you make a shot, the opponent whose turn it is to drink takes a keg stand.  Simple as that.  This way you don’t have to refill after each game, which is a bitch because everyone always steals the pitchers anyway.

Note:  If you don’t have a costume for Halloween, you can be a keg cup using one of the spray-painted garbage cans.  It’s like a 2-for-1 deal straight outta Fred Meyer.  Everyone will love you, everyone will get drunk around you, and you will probably get your first HJ in cargo pants since 9th grade.

Watch the Huskies beat the Mediating Irish.  The Huskies are going to win this week.  As bad as they are, I am hoping that because of the diversity of faiths represented on the Husky football team, God will forsake us and shine a ray of light on Husky Stadium.  Notre Dame is no longer the Fighting Irish.  No, not after a string of losing seasons, a sloppy coach with bigger tits than the girl I’m dating (but doesn’t know it yet), and a quarterback who looks exactly like Sunshine from Remember the Titans with long hair and a cross between Smegel and a porcupine with short hair.  These Irish spend less time fighting and more time in dispute resolution with the media, their fan base, and each other.  God Bless.

In the spirit of Bud Light’s “Real Men of Genius,” here’s to you Mr. Delusional Irrational Notre Dame Football Fan.

Jimmy, I am going to give you more shit because you are a real dumb fuck.  I will let pictures speak for themselves.  You would be a good Halloween costume too.  All someone would need is a uniform, because football skills definitely aren’t necessary.

Oh, and here is Jimmy’s MySpace page if you want to look.  He is a Virgo.

jimmy with some dumb ho. (i think that is his mom)

jimmy with some dumb ho. (i think that is his mom)

jimmy looking tough on the 4th of july.

jimmy looking tough on the 4th of july.

jimmy with his excellent trucker hat.

jimmy with his excellent trucker hat.

jimmy auditioning for lord of the rings.

jimmy auditioning for lord of the rings.

jimmy with his buds.

jimmy with his buds.

This last picture doesn’t really surprise me though.  I mean, he was an understudy (no pun intended) of Brady Quinn, the most badassest of them all.

brady sizing up his friend for a new pair of slacks.

brady sizing up his friend for a new pair of slacks.

brady checking for std's (he was clean)

brady checking for std's (he was clean)

Fucking Notre Dame….

“Hate em” – David Chappelle as Clayton Bigsby, White Power, Chappelle’s Show Season 2, 2003

And lastly…..

Drink a bottle of one of the below with a bunch of friends and realize that life is fucking grand.

slurpee

slurpee

gatorade

gatorade

vitamin water

vitamin water

beer

beer

Currently listening to:  Dan Deacon – The Crystal Cat

Sunday, Bloody Sunday.

i still love you man.  call me this week and i will introduce you to my girlfriend.

i still love you man. call me this week and i will introduce you to my girlfriend.

this game was my 3rd favorite husky football moral victory from the willingham era.

this game was my 3rd favorite husky football moral victory from the willingham era.

People who thought the call was bogus (as in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey): Chris Fowler, Lee Corso, Kirk Herbstreit, Lou Holtz, Rece Davis, Mark May, 80,000 people at Husky Stadium, almost all of the people who have commented here, and 49 out of the 50 states according to an ESPN College Gameday Final poll last night during the 9pm show. Guess what was the only state to vote differently? Hint: Rhymes a little with “boy this is some lovely baklavah.”

And that’s all I’m going to say about the game yesterday because if I think about it anymore I’m gonna throw my computer out of my window, only to realize that I live in a basement and have no windows, which means said computer’s momentum would be stopped by a cement wall and discompartmentalize into fractional pieces of its previous form, all of which I would have to pick up and dispose of – an act that I do not have time for today because I will be watching football.

Also, reports are the Shaun Alexander might be employed again as soon as Week 2. He has been in contact with numerous teams, including the Bengals, while working out at UW with speed coach Joe Gentry. Good old Montlake. I wonder if Jake could beat him in the 40…. running backwards?

this picture must have been taken before the line of scrimmage because shaun is still on his feet.

this picture must have been taken before the line of scrimmage because shaun is still on his feet.

hey look it's john parker wilson from hoover high school! i watched you on the mtv show two-a-days man!

hey look it's john parker wilson from hoover high school! i saw you on the mtv show "two-a-days" dude! and now you're working it with saban!

Speaking of Two-a-Days, remember that girl Brittany that was pretty much the hottest girl ever and was dating that toolbag Mark? I’m sure you do. Anyways, here are some pictures in case you’ve forgotten. God bless America, and the chicks that are bred in the South. I believe they are called “belles” or “barrels of hay” or “sandwich artists” or something, though I could be wrong.

a very unflattering image.

a very unflattering image.

she's the ugly one on the right.

she's the ugly one on the right.

this must be during rush.

this must be during rush.

obviously they are at a mariners game.

obviously they are at a mariners game.

squatting as usual.  that's what she said.

squatting as usual. that's what she said.

i think every girl with at least two friends has taken this exact picture. i would like you to try an prove me wrong.

i think every girl with at least two friends has taken this exact picture. i would like you to try an prove me wrong.

this is the biggest dating upset EVER.  EVER. like in the history of dating, which i'm pretty sure goes back a ways. you have won the lottery and didn't even have to get up on a table in the cafeteria and sing "let's stay together" by al green during lunch. if you ever let this go i will disown you and make sure you end up in gitmo.

brittany and her boyfriend mark. okay dude, here is the deal: this is the biggest dating upset EVER. EVER. like in the history of dating, which i'm pretty sure goes back a ways. you have won the lottery and didn't even have to get up on a table in the cafeteria and sing "let's stay together" by al green during lunch. i had to do this just to secure a date to prom. if you ever let this go i will disown you and forward you email chain letters proclaiming a lifetime of bad luck if you don't forward them to at least 10 people in the next 2 minutes, which i'm sure you won't do because you should be spending every waking moment (and sleeping moments at that) making sure that this woman is the happiest combination of X-chromosomes on earth.

Currently listening to: Latryx – Lady Don’t Tek No

The One Week Anniversary of Labor Day Weekend 2008.

“Wait, Katie! When we first started hanging out together this morning, we were just friends, but things change, and I’ve fallen in love with you. And, I ju-I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So, I’m coming to you, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man, a man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her and provide for her, and yes-have sex with her, but no seriously Katie, I-I love the way you laugh and I love the way your hair smells and I-I love it that sometimes for no reason you’re late for shul, and I don’t care that you’re bowlegged and I don’t care that you’re bilingual, all I know is that I would have said no to every single person on your list because I’ve always wanted you.”

– Wet Hot American Summer

Just like your 8th grade summer camp girlfriend liked to do, it’s time to start planning the celebration for a 1 week anniversary. This celebration acquires cause from Labor Day weekend, a blissful period of pomp and circumstance that marks the middle of summer in Seattle. Thankfully, there are a bunch of events that should make Office Outlook calendar scheduling a breeze.

Mariners vs. Yankees

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday mark the exciting time of year when all of the closet New York Yankee fans come out in full costume and yell obnoxiously at Safeco Field, seemingly cheering on their beloved team while in reality offending every person in attendance that has a young child, a relative with Alzheimer’s, or an IQ above 85.

Here is a wonderful article about ARod and his recent successes in the Big Apple.

alex i think people might know about you and joslyn noel morse....

alex, i think people might know about you and joslyn noel morse....

Washington Huskies vs. BYU *cough* Cougars

It’s the first home game of the year, which means the first Husky tailgate of the year. Also, it means the first win of the year.

To get you ready for this event, which ranks 3rd behind Seafair and Christmas, below is an amusing expose that SIoncampus.com did on Washington tailgating last year.

Another tailgate refresher with Jim Caple’s article on the same subject can be found here.

The most peculiar tailgating item I came across: a UW logo steak branding iron.

good for steaks. great for butts.

good for steaks. great for butts.

Also, BYU has been named the Most Religious School in the nation by the Princeton Review in its 2009 edition of Best 368 Colleges. Get ready to throw that Diet Coke.

PS. I have that Locker Stalker t-shirt. And it’s for sale. Inquire within.

Ratatat at Showbox Market

Friday. Sold out at the box office. Get your tickets on the secondary market. No need to explain anything else here. Just watch.

Currently listening to: Ingrid Michaelson – I Will Follow You Into the Dark (Death Cab for Cutie cover)

The Last Thing I Will Point Out About Justin Roper.

So I’ve shown you the first 60% of Mr. Roper’s Facebook page thus far (see here if you missed it). It’s so filled with useless shit that my screen cap software couldn’t capture the whole thing. I’ve had many people email me wondering what exactly that useless shit is. Well, I now give you this window into the (wo)man that is Justin Roper.

Everyone has questionable character traits, myself included. However, look at the graphic below…. it might let you in on a little secret about the newly anointed oregon (deliberately lowercase) quarterback. Looks like Mr. Roper just might like a good old cockmeat sandwich from time to time.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

we all know he likes boyz II men.  i think he also might like coldplay.  click on the image to enlarge, then click on it again to magnify.

we all know he likes boyz II men. in addition to the music group, i now mean that literally as well. click on the image to enlarge.

Currently listening to: Weezer – The Greatest Man That Ever Lived

Duck Hunting Season Opens Saturday.

How eager am I for the game? It’s almost as if I’m a schoolgirl awaiting my first 7th grade Snowball Dance in hopes that Ricky Trudell, the 8th grade heartthrob with golden locks of hair sent from the heavens and a cute skateboard, picks me for the first dance.

But in reality, I’m a twentysomething, semi-employed pile of filth who is eating a box of Fruity Pebbles from a Rubbermaid salad bowl while watching a rerun of the 2001 Rose Bowl on my 17-inch Quasar television. I’m still in my pajamas, which have a neckline just low enough to allow my chest pubes to poke out and see 2008. I am not wearing pants, unless you consider single button fly pajama bottoms “pants.” I really do not get the purpose of this single fly button. It is rarely fastened and only impedes me from satiating my carnal urges when seeing Daniela Pestova’s partially-exposed areola on page 78 of the 1995 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. I am never purchasing another item from Lamonts ever again. Fucking Lamonts.

I also enjoy the humor produced during this time of year as it’s the one season when grown men become chicks, planning every detail and putting forth ungodly effort to ensure that the game experience is fit for a king, right down to the “who’s-bringing-the-Costco-sized-Reser’s-Potato-Salad, I-think-Jimmy-said-he-would, no-Jimmy-is-bringing-Hawaiian-pizza, shit-I-forgot-who-was-supposed-to-bring-it-then, should-we-just-say-screw-it?, no-we-need-that-fucking-potato-salad, fuck-it-I-will-get-it-myself” level of mental focus and dedication. If only I could apply this type of tenacity to the numerous horizon-broadening activities I’ve started and abruptly stopped over the years, such as brewing my own beer or learning to speak Brazilian Portuguese, only to become too entrenched in the current season of American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance that I forget about them in the first place.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I’m excited for football.

So take a break from your Excel-jockeying and PowerPoint-modifying (and lower your billable rate at work for the next two days) by playing the classic Nintendo game Duck Hunt here.

nintendo of america is headquartered in redmond. not a coincidence.

nintendo of america is headquartered in redmond. not a coincidence.

Currently listening to: Mickey Avalon – Mr. Right

Justin Roper Accepted My Friend Request.

What an idiot. I don’t know why any starting quarterback from another school would accept a social networking invitation from a student, alumnus, or anyone even remotely associated with the school he is playing that week. I hope he pays as much attention to his playbook as he does to Facebook (I know, it’s easy to get them mixed up).

Anyways, here is the first 60% of his profile. He has too many fucking quizzes and applications and “how ________ are you?” boxes for my screen cap software to grab the whole thing. And I have it set on Scrolling Web Page. Wow.

Click on the image below, and then click on it again in the new window to get a full screen view.

he has some conflicting ideologies.

he has some conflicting ideologies. click for a full page view.

obviously, white = tight.

obviously, white = tight.

LL Cool J. Ladies Love Cool Justin.

LL Cool J. Ladies Love Cool Justin.

i'm not even sure what you call this kind of sexual preference, however i'm pretty sure i saw it on real sex 18.

i'm not even sure what you call this kind of sexual preference, but i'm pretty sure i saw it on real sex 18.

Currently listening to: Crystal Castles – Magic Spells