Currently listening to: Jay-Z – Lucifer
Currently listening to: Satan the Devil – Fred’s Got Slacks
Currently listening to: Black Kids – Hit the Heartbrakes
While Terrell Owens is spending the week thanking god, I am going to spend the week thanking David Banner. The David Banner of American rap, record production, record executive, acting, and…… oh you didn’t know…… philanthropic fame. The David Banner who recorded the song “Play,” the sexually charged anthem of 2005 which received massive airplay on fraternity dance floors between the hours of 12:30-2:00am on any given Tuesday. The David Banner whose real name is Lavell Crump. David, or Lavell, or whoever you are, I would also take a stage alias if my parents decided to give me a name that sounded like it belonged in the 3rd installment of The Nutty Professor.
Ask yourself: without David, would you have ever considered if you’d seen a Chevy with the butterfly doors? I don’t think so. It’s kind of weird that he keeps talking about a Chevy with butterfly doors when he pulls up in the beginning of the video in a blue 360 Spyder. But who am I to judge, stunting is not yet habitual for me.
So that gets me to the point of this post: stunting. Interestingly enough, Urban Dictionary has this definition:
“High class flashing of your jewelry, money riches etc. Made famous by the Cash Money Millionaires. A person who stunts would be a “stunna” usually showing off diamonds, gold, platinum, women, cars and stacks of cash..LARGE BILLS! see “bling bling” for an idea of something a “stunna” would stunt.”
Notice that this definition does not mention stunting as any kind of acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically. So it seems that David is making a claim as to the extent of his stunting and how he goes about it.
Number one would be with his vehicle. He sings about it in his songs. He is a teacher, a nobleman who has extended the philosophy of Pimp My Ride. And if your vehicle is properly stunting, it encompasses the following things, all according to David in the gospel ballad Get Like Me:
Now this gets us to the most important part of a vehicle which aims to achieve the status of “stunting”: the vanity license plate. Everyone can get rims and chips and paint and velour seat covers and dice and bitches and hoes, but license plates provide the blank canvas that any true artist relishes to use as a foundation. Here are some examples from cars that are definitely stunting.
So now you now how you can make stunting habitual via automobile customization. I hope you have learned as much as I have. I would like to thank Tillamook Co., the 1989 Raiders, and the individual who created crocodile-skin shoes.
Currently listening to: OutKast – ATLiens
Probably due to my offbeat and somewhat inaccurate tags, I get some pretty funny search engine queries that are leading people to my blog. It looks like society is searching for advice on movies, relationships, and girls that they will never have a chance with during their lifetimes, be it from tv or a certain woman of the night. I’m typing these exactly as they were entered into Microsoft Live Search (because no one uses that shitty Google) and including any commentary I deem necessary.
Currently listening to: Do or Die & Twista – Do You
So here are my winners and losers from the past week (or so). Hopefully I can make this a semi-regular thing.
WINNERS (this is good)
Ryan Reynolds. Dude, I have to hand it to you. You somehow managed to bag a 23-year old (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) megastar as your lawfully-wedded wife. She is more famous than you, has more money than you, is a big proponent for polygamy, and just did a threesome scene with Penelope Cruz. She even beat Marisa Miller, I said MARISA MILLER, in the Elite 8 of the Bigger Dance. I don’t even care that she is a shitty singer or that she likes SpongeBob. Hey man, you remember when she was in the music video for Mandy Moore’s first single, Candy? No? I don’t either, but who gives a fuck, she has DSLs. Now let’s take a look at a brief filmography for the both of you:
Wow man, you are looking good there. She has done movies that garnered critical acclaim; you did one which had a character named Dusty Dinkleman. But seriously, if you would have gone through with marrying Alanis Morisette I would have condemned you to a life of solitude in the Himalayas with only eucalyptus nectar to sustain yourself on. I can do that.
David Duchovny. Hey man, I heard you completed sex rehab. Congrats. What do they do in there to mute your libido and desensitize you from coitus? Show you repeated images of things that are not arousing? I can only imagine how unaesthetic that must be. Sort of like looking at an issue of something that is the reverse of Maxim. Maybe Redbook. Hey that would be a cool new position, the Reverse Maxim. I don’t know what it would be, but I’m sure it would look kind of like a helicopt….oops, sorry. Forgot I wasn’t supposed to talk about those kind of things with you. I find it funny that when you have a lot of sex it’s called an “addiction.” When I do it’s called “fucking awesome.”
Anyone who went to the Sigur Ros show at Benaroya Hall. Unreal.
Anyone who went short prior to 9/19 or has option straddle positions. You are smart…. and everyone else is crying. A lot.
People who eat $5 footlongs. There is a new sandwich!!!!!! The Chicken Pizziola!!!!!!!!
Bars who held my credit card this weekend. You win. You always do.
LOSERS (this is bad)
Washington Huskies football and Seattle Seahawks football. This is getting ridiculous. The Huskies can’t do things they teach you in Pop Warner, and the Seahawks can’t do things they teach you in high school. I can’t tell if the Huskies are trying to emulate the Seahawks, or if the Seahawks are trying to emulate the Huskies. Thank god for being able to drink in parking lots because there is nothing else redeeming about these “contests.” We are like the goddamn team in hit movie Gridiron Gang starring The Rock before they get good. And that is bad.
The Sex in the City movie. I haven’t seen it, but what a waste of fucking time.
Clay Aiken. Took you long enough.
People who go to Oregon. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.
Also, if anyone went to the Santogold show on Saturday, can you tell me how it was? I was playing World of Warcraft in my basement and didn’t make it to the show. Damn wizards and flying dragons….
Currently listening to: We Are Scientists – After Hours
I laughed at all of these various types of pain captured on video. I guess I am a horrible human being.
Oh, Houston Rockets games just became a hell of a lot cooler.
Currently listening to: Gangstarr – Full Clip