While Terrell Owens is spending the week thanking god, I am going to spend the week thanking David Banner. The David Banner of American rap, record production, record executive, acting, and…… oh you didn’t know…… philanthropic fame. The David Banner who recorded the song “Play,” the sexually charged anthem of 2005 which received massive airplay on fraternity dance floors between the hours of 12:30-2:00am on any given Tuesday. The David Banner whose real name is Lavell Crump. David, or Lavell, or whoever you are, I would also take a stage alias if my parents decided to give me a name that sounded like it belonged in the 3rd installment of The Nutty Professor.
Ask yourself: without David, would you have ever considered if you’d seen a Chevy with the butterfly doors? I don’t think so. It’s kind of weird that he keeps talking about a Chevy with butterfly doors when he pulls up in the beginning of the video in a blue 360 Spyder. But who am I to judge, stunting is not yet habitual for me.
So that gets me to the point of this post: stunting. Interestingly enough, Urban Dictionary has this definition:
“High class flashing of your jewelry, money riches etc. Made famous by the Cash Money Millionaires. A person who stunts would be a “stunna” usually showing off diamonds, gold, platinum, women, cars and stacks of cash..LARGE BILLS! see “bling bling” for an idea of something a “stunna” would stunt.”
Notice that this definition does not mention stunting as any kind of acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically. So it seems that David is making a claim as to the extent of his stunting and how he goes about it.
Number one would be with his vehicle. He sings about it in his songs. He is a teacher, a nobleman who has extended the philosophy of Pimp My Ride. And if your vehicle is properly stunting, it encompasses the following things, all according to David in the gospel ballad Get Like Me:
- “chip in the engine” – Technically, the chip does not go in the engine, it goes in the ECU. You solder it onto the motherboard and it remaps the fuel and ignition timing. Not that I know anything about this kind of stuff.
- “26 inch rims” – This seems a little outlandish to me. It’s like being 5’4″, 105 lbs and getting triple-D’s.
- “old school chevy” – Equals 1985 Caprice. That is fucking baller, man.
- “freak on my arm” – I am guessing this is Melyssa Ford.
- “diamonds on my pinky” – That is sweet.
- “diamonds in my mouth” – That is not ostentatious at all.
- “charm around my neck” – That’s CUTE. Tiffany’s?
- “Gucci on my seat” – Gucci does not make seat covers.
- “pistol in my hand” – Pistol? Is this the fucking Civil War? Where is your Parrott Rifle?
Now this gets us to the most important part of a vehicle which aims to achieve the status of “stunting”: the vanity license plate. Everyone can get rims and chips and paint and velour seat covers and dice and bitches and hoes, but license plates provide the blank canvas that any true artist relishes to use as a foundation. Here are some examples from cars that are definitely stunting.
So now you now how you can make stunting habitual via automobile customization. I hope you have learned as much as I have. I would like to thank Tillamook Co., the 1989 Raiders, and the individual who created crocodile-skin shoes.
Currently listening to: OutKast – ATLiens