How you find me.

Probably due to my offbeat and somewhat inaccurate tags, I get some pretty funny search engine queries that are leading people to my blog.  It looks like society is searching for advice on movies, relationships, and girls that they will never have a chance with during their lifetimes, be it from tv or a certain woman of the night.  I’m typing these exactly as they were entered into Microsoft Live Search (because no one uses that shitty Google) and including any commentary I deem necessary.

  • top 1o disney films – I think I provide valid reasoning and would put my list up against any others.
  • 100 things i am thankful for – People must be getting ready for Thanksgiving.  Since nothing in their lives has changed, they are probably trying to prep for that awkward and somewhat mundane event at the T-Giving dinner table when everyone goes around and says what they are thankful for.  Nice to know that these sentiments are being plagiarized from blogs.
  • rent a date for homecoming – Ouch.  Never in my wildest dreams would I think of searching the internet on this topic.  Sadly to say, this is one of the top search phrases that lead to my blog.  Which means one of two things:  either a) my readers are complete losers, or b) I am a complete loser.  I will take c) all of the above.
  • the hottest student bodies – I can understand this search term as who wouldn’t consider the attractiveness of the student body as a top criterion for selecting a college.  I mean seriously, you’re not going to go to a school because of the academics, are you?  Which is obviously why I chose Seattle Central Community College.  For the babes.
  • one week anniversary – this is kind of cute that you are looking for ideas on how to celebrate the fact that you have been official for 7 days. I really hope you are 12 years old, because if you’re older, there is no hope for you in this world.  And in that case, I hope you get dumped.
  • brittany benton two-a-days – Yah dude, she’s a babe.  But according to her Facebook page, she has turned into a ravenous bible-humper.  I’m talking overboard, insane, crazy, makes-me-kind-of-scared-to-open-the-nightstand-in-my-hotel-room-for-fear-that-she-will-jump-out-the-bible-like-a-goddamn-magic-show.  Actually, that might be kind of neat.  Mark, I forgive you for breaking up with her, she is a looney and has been cheating on you with Jesus.
  • someone should have told you i’m a fucking – You’re either a badass or you are looking for a comeback to someone who made fun of you.  I vote for the latter.  Or you were just looking for Jockin Jay-Z.
  • duck- for black people – Apparently duck for black people is different that duck for other kinds of people?  Or is this a new kind of bling….
  • kill the twenties – Now, now…. that’s how school violence starts.  Be easy.
  • i don’t have a date for homecoming – I don’t either.  I guess I should be searching the internet too.
  • university of washington hottest student – I know who this is.  She is incredible.  She is not in school anymore due to some rule called “graduation.”  But yeah, incredible.  I hope you found her man. Or girl. Actually, you are probably a teacher.
  • roger at the dingle – I don’t know what to make of this; I just think the word “dingle” is kind of funny.
  • fucking catalina wine mixer – CHEERS. I’ll meet you there.
  • jake locker espn – …. and I start to cry as I see this.  So much hope dashed away in an instant….
  • best sandwich seattle – I’m standing by my claim.
  • “until the looting started” – Is there something going on that I’m not aware of?  Better check my POGS.
  • bambi spearmint rhino – Hmmm….. looks like someone is trying to reconnect with a special someone.  I’m tellin you man, she just gave you her number so you wouldn’t feel bad about dropping four figures on a stripper.  I had a conversation with a strip club owner about this once. It’s a system.
  • spearmint rhino las vegas kimmy – Okay I didn’t know she was a real stripper when I called her out.  Guess I need disclaimers.
  • john parker wilson’s mother sorority – Someone has a thing for JPW’s mom.  And is taking the time to find out who she is.  Rad.
  • casey paus – Not quite sure why you would be searching for Casey Paus.  Searching for new nightmares?
  • what to do when you dont have a date for homecoming – Ummm….. I am no Casanova, but may be you could ask someone?  This is the age of the independent woman who gets equal pay for equal work.  Therefore, take that salary and put it to good use by taking out the male of your choice.  If not, you can join the support group for people who don’t have dates either. Seriously read that page though; there is an instant message conversation between some girl and a guy named brandon that is hilarious.  Here is a nugget:  <<brandon: is it ok if i take my truck [which just so happens to be huge]>>.  I do believe that that is what she said.
  • no black people in final fantasy – This statement is not true according to the GameSpot forums.
  • facebook+justin roper – You’re still a bitch.

Currently listening to:  Do or Die & Twista – Do You


One response to “How you find me.

  1. It was ‘catalina wine mixer’ that snared me. Looking at the alternatives, I feel like a relative winner in the game of life.

    Though I do wonder about Kimmy from time to time…

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