The previous post mentioned my dream house, which is from the movie Blank Check. That got me to thinking….it’s time to pay homage to one of the greatest film production houses in the history of the universe: Walt Disney Productions (which has evolved into Walk Disney Pictures). In its 71-year existence, they have conjured up cinematic adventures that have tickled the minds of individuals on 12 continents (yah that’s right), each with their own underlying, inspirational message.
To honor, let’s look at the 10 best films from this storied history, along with the messages gracefully laid upon us:
- Airborne – This is the greatest movie of all-time. As in ever. I am not kidding. If you haven’t seen it, please do. I saw it in the theater. In 1993. I am terrified of Devil’s Backbone. And did you know Jack Black is in this movie? “I call it Liquid Drain-o, wannabe Bullwinkle.” MESSAGE: Rollerblading is awesome. Life is awesome. Love prevails in the end. Never move to Cincinnati. Everything is better when you say “brah.”
- D2: The Mighty Ducks – This movie was the whole reason I started playing garage hockey. I never did make it out of my garage, but that’s besides the point. Have you ever pretended to be Charlie Conway, Adam Banks, or Luis Mendoza? I have. How many of you have tried to hit a knucklepuck? I tried. Did you get excited when they came out of the locker room at the beginning of the third period in the new Ducks jerseys? I did. MESSAGE: By accepting differences and working together as a team, you can achieve anything. If you suck at sports, get a new jersey and everything will be fine. Also, don’t be a dick.
- Heavyweights – Whether you are overweight or not, you can’t help but admit that this. camp. looks. awesome. I WANT TO DO THE APACHE RELAY. MESSAGE: It’s okay to be yourself. Ben Stiller can recycle characters from old movies and play them in his new ones (see: Dodgeball). And fuck Camp MVP.
- Blank Check – This movie has my favorite house ever. I would have also gone for the water slide that is connected directly to my office, and seduced the older woman in hopes of becoming a man. MESSAGE: Life sucks when you are poor. Do work son.
- The Mighty Ducks – I have learned two great moves from this movie: the triple deke and the flying-V. MESSAGE: It is kind of sleazy when the coach goes after the mom of a player on his team, but it is kind of intriguing at the same time.
- Cool Runnings – I think the last time I cried was at the end of this movie. Derice! MESSAGE: Jamaican people are fast at everything. Supporting fact here.
- First Kid – Having Sinbad as a bodyguard would be sweet. MESSAGE: Admit it, you were picked on in school. Being a politician’s son or daughter does not guarantee you ass. See: Chelsea Clinton.
- Aladdin – Makes you want a purple vest and a magic carpet. MESSAGE: I can show you the world. Funny thing about the world is, is that it’s located on my cock.
- Remember the Titans – Who knew Hayden Panettiere would go from a bratty, football-loving 10-year old named Sheryl to this? Oh, and Sunshine is a funny dude. MESSAGE: Racism sucks. Girls grow up and become hot.
- Jingle All the Way – this is not a Disney movie, but I don’t care.
Currently listening to: Bloc Party – Banquet