A classic family game… one that I used to play with my parents during downtime on vacations in Enumclaw, or while waiting in the security line at the airport. I’m feeling nostalgic, so let’s participate for a couple of rounds:
Round 1 – Marisa Miller, Megan Fox, Jessica Biel
Bone – Megan F’ing Fox. It must be the tattoos. Or that scene in Transformers where she is bending over the engine. I don’t think you ever really hear Megan Fox’s name without the word “fuck,” as in “I really want to” or “wouldn’t it be great if I could” or “I would probably sell my sister’s kidney on eBay, or even her whole midsection, if I had a chance to” somewhere in the next 2 sentences.
Kill – Biel. I do not want to go anywhere that Derek Jeter has been for fear of acquiring a vagina.
Marry – Miller. Isn’t this the position that everyone aspires to be in? Her room is so awesome, her phone is kick-ass, and you know what? I love her.
Round 2 – Fran Drescher, Tori Spelling, Britney Spears (2006)
Bone – ….. Drescher? With the following stipulations: 1) she does not talk, 2) she does not talk, 3) if she talks, I kill a puppy. I want nothing to do with Britney after seeing her vajay polluting the seat of a Ferrari, and I am afraid that Spelling is really a man.
Kill – Tori Spelling. She is a male. For evidence, I present exhibit 1a below. I rest my case.
Marry – Spears. Frankly, I am kind of scared of her. I’m not sure if she would try to make me into a Build-a-Bear, or try to turn me into an emotionless reproductive device, like Charlize Theron in The Astronaut’s Wife or Natasha Henstridge in Species. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it will buy her some crazy pills, and will get me the house of my dreams, which happens to be an exact replica of the house Preston Waters, aka Mr. Macintosh, creates in the Disney movie Blank Check.
I really fucked up here. Sorry. Honestly, I would rather be gang-raped by a gaggle of silverback apes.
In other news, Microsoft signed on Jerry Seinfeld for the new Windows Vista campaign.
Currently listening to: Paperboy – Ditty